Losing it

Forgetfulness and poor eyesight have combined to ensure my Christmas present this year will be a new pair of glasses to replace the pair I lost yesterday. I can't really afford them as I have a particularly expensive, and oft delayed, service and MOT due on the car - but I've reached the point where I can't read a thing without them. And I am determined to read something soon, something nourishing, something good for the soul. It's a bit early for New Year resolutions perhaps but I could do with an overhaul myself.

This year's acts of stupidity (I also lost my car keys... or that may have been last year – I can't recall) only confirmed my suspicions. I can't take it any more... or rather my brain can't take any more. I have reached the point where I no longer remember whole conversations, seemingly choosing only to remember edited highlights. There are two ways to look at this; either my intellect has reached a higher plane that automatically excludes extraneous information at an advanced level... or I have stuffed my mind with so much junk it's beginning to overflow. Yes, I know I only have myself to blame but try to remember my New Year resolution – and if you can could you remind me?

Yes I'm a fool, but if I may quote Obi-Wan Kenobi in the original Star Wars trilogy:

Who's more foolish, the fool or the fool who reads him?

At least it was something along those lines...

Guitar hero

Last week the future musical credibility of Little Miss R was placed in serious doubt thanks to her discovery of a Cliff Richard tape, dating back to the time when people knew what was meant by the word "tape". I'm rational enough to realise this isn't the fault of Sir Cliff, besides which it's quite obvious that the blame lies elsewhere and I told her as much, whilst ducking the stress balls she threw in my direction. I can assure you, as I assured her, there are no such embarrassing revelations from my past...

However it was just one tape from a box full of possible indiscretions or relief. Mercifully it wasn't long before the tunes of Summer Holiday and Wired for Sound (there were more and I'm a little worried I can remember so many) were soon drowned out with the more wholesome sounds of Oasis. It's such a relief when your seven-year old discards "Mistletoe and Wine" for "Cigarettes and Alcohol"…

Inspired, and as if to confirm her new found street cred (should that be with a hyphen or without?), she's taken up the guitar. Move aside Noel, your days are numbered…

Smells like Christmas spirit

It's been a fractured week, I'm tired and it's beyond me to tie it all together. So instead I've broken it down into sections and even added in a joke – see if you can spot it.

Home life:

Mrs R has been given a medical drug reference book. This along with access to Wikipedia is proving to be detrimental to our health. What her GP was thinking of is anyone's guess.

Work life:

Two weeks ago we had a company re-structure; our new boss will visit us next week to explain the changes. I'm going to do my bit for the team and heed one of the six e-mails of the week reminding us to keep our desks tidy. I'll even wear my best t-shirt and, who knows, I may even iron it.

Current Affairs:

More enjoyable was the Jeremy Paxman interview with the Leader of the House of Commons, Harriet Harman. Given that it's now apparently a criminal offence to embarrass the government, perhaps the police should consider locking her up as well?

Joke:

Two software developers are standing in the park.

One developer has a shiny new bike.

The other developer asks him, "Nice bike - how much?"

The first one says, "It was free."

The other asks, "Really, how did you get it for free?"

The one with the bike says," Yesterday a beautiful woman rode up on this bike, took off all her clothes and told me I could have anything I wanted."

The other software developer says, "Good move - her clothes wouldn't have fit you anyway."

A time to reflect

That's two good Fridays in a row. I once again achieved something unprecedented - though it occurs to me that if I've done it again then there is a precedent. There I am speeding through my work in a not-quite-unprecedented fashion, going so fast that I move ahead of schedule and have time for a little reflection. Not of the contemplating life variety unfortunately; nowadays when I attempt such a feat the result is something akin to tumbleweed being blown across a deserted office floor. This 'reflection' was of the type used to access private methods of a public class and, since I was feeling particularly cocky (but mainly because I had to), access public methods of a private class within a public class. I know what you're thinking… where can I find me a man like that?

Actually I must own up. You'll find this difficult to believe but I had to google 'how to' and found out... er... 'how to' on a site page published FIVE YEARS AGO. This shocking lack of knowledge on the inner workings of the Microsoft .NET framework probably explains my lack of success with gorgeous attractive women, or indeed any kind of women. There could be other factors involved, such as being married and in my forties, but I doubt it.

Disappearing up my own behind

One of the problems in withdrawing from the real world, besides the realisation that the fridge isn't large enough to hold that many pizzas, is that it's possible to lose your sense of proportion. For example, since returning to civilisation (I work in Newport, Wales) I have had to concede that the contentious issue of cutting Belle's song, When Love Is Gone, from the DVD version of The Muppet Christmas Carol didn't perhaps warrant the hours I spent researching why it was done, and whether a 'complete' version was available.

I blame a friend for this; it's far easier than blaming myself. A chance comment on the weekend reminded me of this omission and sent me into a downward spiral of nerdy behaviour. Like many of my kind I have developed an obsessive-compulsive nature when it comes to deciding on the definitive version of something. As it turns out, because if you've read this far you either want to know or you've nothing better to do (I can guess which), the definitive version isn't as clear-cut as I thought. The song was originally omitted from the theatrical release but when they released the film on VHS (remember that?) they either added the song back in or (and this is what I suspect) they couldn't be bothered finding the final cut of the film and just released what they found. Having reviewed the missing scene on YouTube (God bless 'em) I'm not sure we're missing much but I can imagine all that mushy stuff appealing to a lot of women, and even a few men. Real men however, such as me, are too busy eating their eggs, cream and bacon pie... and enjoying the scary moments…

Ever decreasing

What makes a hero

The word or the deed

Does a gift to inspire

Impart all that we need

When will you heed

The requirement to act

To disappoint many

Whilst others you back

Where is the money

For payments not met

Will saddle our children

With mountains of debt

How will you set

On the hardship we owe

To move us away

From the life that we know

What makes a hero

The word or the deed

Can your gift to inspire

Impart all that we need

Half man, half machine

I had a very strange sensation late Friday morning; for some inexplicable reason, and despite a hard week, I was full of positive energy and really enjoying myself at work. In fact I was so "in the zone" (now that we all like America again it's O.K. to talk like them) I even began to overheat. I couldn't pace myself at all, my mind raced ahead of my body, my typing couldn't keep up and neither could my breathing. I was a machine; not really functioning correctly but it felt "awesome".

Or maybe I was having a panic attack.

Anyway, during those moments where I was able to coordinate my mind and body, I managed to get a fair bit of work done. Scraps of paper, pieces of code, cobbled together sequence diagrams - nothing complete but I'm close to identifying all the pieces and I've even a notion of how they all fit together. I'm still a little behind schedule but it's become one of those things where you go past the point of being able to do anything about it; you let people know and do the best you can. I'd like to worry but it's not in the (project) plan.

I do have three glorious days off work next week, in the plan, and I plan to make the most of them. Mind you, I'll warrant my idea of 'making the most of things' is different to the norm… as I'm not really sure 'do nothing' counts?