Consistently inconsistent

I seem to have a haphazard approach to films recently. Of those I've seen recently, only two (In America, Metropolitan) would fall into a 'recommended' category. The others were either rubbish (Lady in the Water, Curse of The Golden Flower, Wolverine, Paycheck), not as good as I remembered (Cop Land) or guilty pleasures (Star Trek, Taken). The last group is a particular problem for those sad people who have a compulsion to score what they’ve seen; I’d give Star Trek seven out of ten… I enjoyed it but, at the risk of a few Klingon death threats, I can’t quite find it in me to call it good; just to make sure I saw it twice. Taken is problematic because despite the formulaic setup it’s executed well and is a lot of fun. I’ll be watching that again too.

Then there are the films I hardly dare watch again. Is the moment as beautiful as I remember? I watch and am often disappointed... but sometimes I am reminded of how great it is to be. There are those who would argue this reticence is misplaced, that we shouldn’t be afraid of moving on and leaving the past behind us. I’m not sure I care for this brand of progress, or even whether it’s practical or representative of the truth; the past may bind us, but isn't it part of who we are? If we can wipe it away so easily what does that say about us?

Damn… and I only had 8,401 days until retirement

Everything annoys. People leaving shopping trolleys in parking bays. The able bodied using disabled parking spaces. The government for suggesting fundamental changes to our democratic system; when the main mistake was made years ago in breaking with tradition and appointing an incompetent half-wit, from their own party, to be leader of the house. Racist idiots using the expenses scandal as an excuse to vote BNP. People who don’t vote. Adjusting the thermostat up and down or switching the heating off altogether rather than letting the thermostat do its god damn job. The mess in the kitchen. Bullying. Bullying at work. Physical bullies. Intellectual bullies. Men who hit women. Men who hit men. A pack of crisps from a multi-pack is smaller than an individual pack of crisps. It’s the same with chocolate. People talking in cinemas. Big Brother. People who watch Big Brother.

It's entirely possible I may need a break...

Noise

"I’ve started using Ariel for washing the clothes. Sarah’s children have eczema and she says it’s much better for their skin and we have sensitive skin so I thought I’d try it though it’s a little more expensive."

"You’re listening to Five Live breakfast with Nicky Campbell and"

If I had another chance tonight

"It doesn’t hurt to give it a go does it? I spoke to Melanie about"

"Shelagh Fogarty. In the studio we have"

"Mum and she said she’s being very difficult. She won’t talk as it’s"

"Sheila to tell us about RBS. They’ve announced their quarterly figures which are"

I'd try to tell you that the things we had were right

"about Nana and you know what she’s like. She won’t acknowledge"

"a pre-tax loss of 44 million pounds which is round about"

"what the doctor says, or take her medicine when she’s supposed to. Which is just"

If I had another chance tonight
I'd try to tell you that the things we had were right

"…what we would have expected."

Is this my wonderful life
Or the tale of another
One other solitary soul
With an abstract goal
Of happiness

It’s madness
This sadness

I don’t like this beautiful house
Yet the music shrouds me

And it’s not such a bad place to go.

The curious case of Harriet Harman

What’s up with Harriet Harman? I was rather troubled by an interview I heard last week in which her argument for future leadership of the Labour party, thinly disguised as a presentation of the ‘equality’ bill, was “either you agree with me or you’re a sexist egotistical pig”. Well it was something along those lines.

Most politicians tend to paint the world in broad colours, it’s when they deal in absolutes that we ought to worry; and this isn’t the first time Harriet has indulged in a little rabble-rousing. Not so long ago she suggested Fred Goodwin, disgraced former chief executive of RBS, “shouldn’t count” on his pension, deliberately giving the impression that the government would intervene despite knowing they couldn’t. It might have been popular but the law, after all, is the law; much as Harriet might like to ignore it, which is odd since she’s a solicitor.

And then there was this…

We know that inequality is grounded not just in gender, race, disability, age and sexual orientation, but also by class.

Whoa… full house! Is it possible our wannabe leader is living her political life in reverse? Inequality of opportunity exists in many of these areas, and has blighted far too many lives, but perhaps someone could remind me just how long this champion of the working class, this Labour party, has been in power? Upper and middle class socialists such as Harriet spend more time agitating over class than any other people I know; you’d have thought they could have managed an effective law or two by now.

Alison

Years erode and memories scatter

Subtle imprints

Of your touch

I reach in faith but only flounder

Anchor…

And to kindness clutch

I remember…

Your first look

My purpose took

And spirit quickly won

Your first smile

Is blinding while

Inept I stutter on

And then…

The ritual dance

I blow my chance

Hopeless fumble

Passion stumble

Ardour crumble

...and I never dance again

They came

First they came for the Moslems, and I didn’t speak up for I was not a Moslem;

And then they came for the Christian, the Jew and the Hindu too;

And I remained quiet for I thought they knew

Who had won?

They came for hate, and that seemed OK;

But passion as well, that went the next day

It’s for the best, they explained;

There’s too much pain

When you get into bed

With love

Now few dare dispute

Their truth absolute

There were some

But whilst they came for Martin

They never came for me

For there was nothing worth taking

Or nothing left to take

Cheese and pineapple on a stick

One of the great things about having children, besides the supposed excuse for watching films you ought to have grown out of, is the readily accepted defence for behaving strangely in public. Thus I found myself at a wedding reception dancing in the most peculiar way and, since there was nothing about it in the news, you can trust me when I say that no one was hurt in the process. I even came out with my dignity intact.

OK, that bit’s not true but dancing with a seven year old affords a certain level of absolution; for a short period of time I truly enjoyed myself. Though the worst thing about any reconnection is that no matter how good the moment, there are the moments that follow. Enough maudlin nonsense, here’s the report.

The GPS got me to the church on time. I’m so enamoured of my new best friend that after a stop at the service station I still got her out for a chat despite knowing the rest of the way home. She can take me to the third exit at the roundabout (and back again) anytime.

The church service was nice - though for me the pastor overdid the smiling with his eyes closed, holding his palm upwards and swaying during the hymns. I know there’s nothing wrong with this but I had my religious radar on and it was a little over sensitive. The bridegroom was smiling and relaxed, the bride looked lovely and Little Miss R was totally carried away with excitement.

The reception was good too. The best man was nervous, about half my age, and still gave a far better speech than I could ever manage. Most of the guests may have had strong religious backgrounds but contrary to popular perception the few I spoke to were easy going, genuine and a far better example of kindness than most. They looked just like ‘normal’ people…

I will close by making the following observations.

• There are far too many middle aged men, or any men for that matter, who know the Macarena… stop it. Conversely there is nothing wrong with the YMCA. This dance personifies cool… as anyone who saw me can testify.

• The pastor may have thought it was love but personally I think its cheese and pineapple on a stick.