Saturday, 16 April 2011

Forgiveness

Do children understand forgiveness? Whilst capable of bearing a grudge they seem more willing to forget; out of necessity, or perhaps nursing a grievance is a skill to acquire. Once developed, we spend the remainder of our lives learning to forgive. My teachers are not infallible nor my parents invincible, but the greater failure comes much later, and is my own. First we learn to forgive others, and then we must learn to forgive ourselves.

2 comments:

  1. Words of wisdom and so true.

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  2. I think that children are MUCH better at forgiving and forgetting, because most of the time they need a valid reason to dislike someone, whereas us grown-ups need a reason to LIKE them.

    Kid like everyone, until someone comes along and upsets them.
    Adults on the other hand, tend to dislike (or at least distrust) everyone and everything until it proves itself to us.

    Kids WANT to be friends with everyone, so most arguments and upsets are soon forgotten, and they're friends again.
    With adults though its different. We've experienced fear, pain, rejection, death etc, and sometimes, refusing to forgive someone for something they once hurt us with, is the only way of remaining in control(of the situation, or of just our lives in general). We feel that we can't really forgive or forget, until 'justice' is done. (Either the other person apologises, or they 'get what they deserve'). So we spend days, months, or years feeling more and more bitter.

    Life is too damned short, and it's everyone's personal choice as to whether they want to spend it in bitter recriminations, and arguments, but it wont change anything...ever!

    As for forgiving ourselves...
    We all need to cut ourselves a bit of slack every now and then don't we?
    Whatever we feel that we need to forgive ourselves for, is done. We can't change that.

    We CAN be more like the children though, and choose to LIKE, instead of being the adults that we are, and choosing to DISlike.
    And that should start with ourselves...

    Only when we like and forgive ourselves, can we return that generosity to others.
    We've all done hurtful and horrible things, and we often live with that guilt for years... or maybe our whole lives.
    We carry it around with us long after the person we hurt or upset has gotten over it themselves.

    When I was 18, I was engaged to a guy that I'd been going out with for 2 years. I realised that I just didn't love him anymore, and ended the relationship. I've lived with the guilt of hurting him ever since. And do you know what? Last year he got in contact with me through Friends Reunited. No recriminations. Nothing. He was happily married with 2 kids. End of.
    I was punishing myself over something that was long forgotten.

    So... did all those years of guilt make any difference? No. It just made me feel bad!

    So, I guess what I'm saying is this.
    If we deserve to feel bad about something we've done, then we SHOULD feel bad. Just don't do it forever!
    There are probably people out there now who still feel bad sometimes about something they once said or did to US. They may feel guilt or shame.

    Forgive yourself, and you forgive them too...

    And I did NOT mean to write this much!! Please forgive me!! ;-) x

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